Social Shit
So the website (obviously) turned out not to be my thing that I’ve been hoping to find.
I want to connect to people.
I definitely was in hermit mode for a bit while I hunkered down with myself and got cozy with the new Dez. It’s been super productive and I am feeling ready to introduce new Dez to the world.
Working from home in a town where I don’t have friends has made it so easy to focus on me and I’m so grateful for that. The tough part is that now I also get to do the work to attract people vibrating on my level.
Even if I didn’t work from home and had existing local friends, I’m not sure that would help my situation. I’m just such a different person now. So much of what I would have considered part of my identity before has fallen aside.
Anyways - the website. I don’t get engagement (duh), but like, it’s also not easy to use. The last post I wrote back in March and it sat there as a draft, even though it was complete. It’s hard to add photos and videos. There’s no editing. Social media platforms like Twitter and Instagram are designed to be easy to use to create content. Which is crazy to me, because I still always struggled with it.
So I’m back on social media. I’ve made some commitments to myself to use it differently, though:
No more censoring myself. I can’t tell you how many times I would record a quick lil something and then not post it because I’d be concerned I’d hurt someone that I care about. No. I am not responsible for the feelings of others.
No more editing. I would spend so much time getting the music just right and whatever and then it would get fucked up anyways and I’d get so frustrated. Now it’s gonna be raw Dez. There’s gonna be lots of fuck ups, but that’s ok. That’s Dez.
When I notice ads, it’s time to stop scrolling. This happens surprisingly quick, so I’m not spending much time on there.
I am commenting on posts I see. Even if it’s small and dumb and I don’t think they care. Why am I following if I don’t want to engage?
So far, these boundaries are helping me enjoy the experience a lot more! But I dunno, I just don’t think to post on there much. Just like how I don’t think to take photos. I like to say that it’s because I’m living in the moment. Maybe that’s true, maybe it’s ADHD.
Speaking of which, I signed up for an ADHD coach through Shimmer to help me out with work shit. I have my first meeting with them on Thursday. Maybe I’ll let ya know how it goes.
But yeah, I really would like to find people who are focused on self-development, woo-woo shit, and riot grrrl shit that I can talk to. You down? Fuckin reach out to me! I’d reach out to you but I don’t know that you want me to!