ADHD

I’ve never believed that ADHD was a real thing. I saw my brother and my cousin get put on Adderall before they were even teenagers. My view has always been that it’s a made up diagnosis to put on people who don’t fit the norm. An excuse to put kids on meds so that they can be easier controlled and more compliant.

I still think that’s true when kids are put on meds to make them calm down. I wish we would start encourage feral-ness.

Anyways, I’m realizing that it might be a real thing. I always thought that the descriptive traits that they use for ADHD is just part of living. Everybody is that way! Why are we medicating the shine out of people!?!?! The more I talk about it, though, the more I’m finding out that * most * people aren’t the way I am. I’m finding that most people don’t struggle with:

keeping clothes put away

too many unfinished projects

too many unfinished books

active listening

reacting quickly

motivation to complete anything in a timely manner

being on a different time than the rest of the world

staying focused / on topic

I could keep going…

Honestly, it’s kinda cool to find out that most people don’t struggle with this. Like, I’m already so impressed with myself with how much I’ve overcome and how much growth I’ve made in my 36 years. And now, add on to that this whole other brain thing that works against my goals. Like, WOW! I’m fuckin powerful!

Having this knowledge that there’s nothing wrong with me, I’m just different, has helped me accept these traits about myself and try to work with them instead of just giving up in frustration.

It’s definitely one way that social media has helped me. I never meant to end up on the ADHD algorithms, but it definitely found me! It’s what has opened up my eyes that my brain is special. Neuro-spicey is the term I like the most. But there’s a whole slew of other people that experience these same things that I’ve felt so judged for all my life. Why do parents feel the need to shame so many of these traits?

Like, what’s wrong with having a clothes pile? Who does that even hurt? What’s the harm in having a bunch of unfinished crafting projects if I had fun doing them? Why does it matter if I have to have external pressure and deadlines to get something done?

Of course there are some things that I work on because it does affect others and I care. Like the listening thing. That’s hard for me. My brain goes off on random tangents or will even just be blank and empty when I want to be listening to someone. But I try! And those that love me know that it’s just a thing my brain does, it doesn’t mean I don’t care about what they’re saying. I just might have to hear it a few times before I really hear it. But I’ve learned a lot of skills around this. I take STELLAR notes during meetings and those always save my ass. Even if I didn’t really hear it, I’ve got notes to reference when I need the information that didn’t stick.

And having a difficult time working with the clock. Why does that matter so much in our society? Like, it takes me however long it takes me to get ready to leave the house. Why would anybody want me to feel anxious, rushed, and underprepared just for the sake of not being 10 or 15 minutes later than planned? Working remotely has been so great for me with that kinda shit. I show up at my desk when I can, and I just make sure that I’m starting my day well in advance of any meetings I have scheduled. I’m so grateful to have a job where my work doesn’t have to be done during specific hours. I remember being a receptionist… that was not a good fit for someone like me!

When I look back at my life, I see that I had so much potential to use this neuro-spicey mind of mine to pursue a creative career that would have saved so much heartache for me instead of pursuing a “professional” 8-5 M-F job. But every influence I had growing up told me that if I wanted any sort of success, I needed to fit this mold.

When that mold wasn’t working out for me as a teen, I threw it out the window and gave up. I accepted my fate to be a mess. I would just do drugs, go to shows, have sex, and maybe one day I’d get to work at Arby’s and make enough money to have my own room in an apartment with other people like me. Maybe I’d live to 30, that’d be cool.

Then my friends started dying, and I didn’t want to die. I tried to clean up my act and get a real job. That was a fuckin struggle. I’ve been fired from so many office jobs. But I got pregnant at 19, with two years sober. What other option did I have than to keep trying to force myself to fit this mold so that I could provide for me kid alone?

But all along, if I had any sort of encouragement to find what makes me happy and what kind of job would work with my tendencies… it’s wild to think of where I’d be with that kind of support. I’m already blown away with what my life is like as is!!

I try to remember all this in my parenting with my son. He just turned 16. It’s really hard to not push my priorities and values on him, but I just always remind myself that he is his own being. He is not me. The way he processes information and what he finds joy in are going to be different. Who am I to tell him what happiness looks like?

I try to just share the wisdom I’ve gained with him from my experiences. Make sure he’s thinking about the outcomes of his choices. What are his goals? Are his choices helping him reach those goals? His goals are his own. They are definitely not the goals I would want for him… but I’m a weird, wild, rebellious, loud, gender bending human and he’s very much not that. So of course he has different goals. Even if I’m not a fan of his goals, I will support him. I feel like that’s the support that I always want, so I try to give it to him. Don’t tell me what goals I should have, just support the ones I do have.

And he’s got to learn on his own how to make decisions that support that goal. I can’t tell him how to meet his goals, because they aren’t my goals and the journey we enjoy to get to those goals is likely going to be different too.

Okay this is getting way off topic, so I’m going to call it.

Are you neuro-spicey? I’d love to hear about it! Wether its’ ADHD or another way, I’d be honored to chat with you about it. Email me!